Recently, Nicole Holzknecht, a certified positive discipline parent educator and a Montessori teacher, certified by the Montessori Education Institute of the Pacific Northwest, lead a seminar based on Positive Discipline at Living Montessori Education Community. With the goal of helping your children feel empowered, encouraged and supported, our community came away with tools to make relationships respectful, gain desired results and maintain dignity for all. Below are excerpts from our presentation.We invite you to visit our Living Montessori Education Community booklist and resource links page for links, books, blogs, social networking, parenting tips and collaborative school projects on the topic of Positive Discipline.
Living Montessori Education Community embraces
FIVE CRITERIA FOR EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE.
1. Helps children feel a sense of connection.
(Belonging and significance)
(Belonging and significance)
2. Is mutually respectful and encouraging.
(Kind and firm at the same time.)
(Kind and firm at the same time.)
3. Is effective long-term.
(Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
(Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
4. Teaches important social and life skills.
(Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)
(Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)
5. Invites children to discover how capable they are.
(Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
Source: Jane Nelsen, http://www.positivediscipline.org
(Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
Source: Jane Nelsen, http://www.positivediscipline.org
ENCOURAGEMENT vs. PRAISE
Praise fosters self-doubt and external praise “junkies.” I am only loved when you notice me. Wrong kind of risk takers, seek approval from outside sources and lack confidence to trust self and the world of the praise givers.
Praise fosters self-doubt and external praise “junkies.” I am only loved when you notice me. Wrong kind of risk takers, seek approval from outside sources and lack confidence to trust self and the world of the praise givers.
Encouragement fosters self-confidence and courage. I know I am loved (inner confidence) and my opinion matters. Risk takers that are courageous in business, do not need outside praise because they know deep inside. Less likely to make bad choices later in life.
- State clear expectations. “As soon as you finish you may…”
- Respond with a question. “Would you like to do this yourself, or do you want/need my help?”
- State a given rule or condition. “In our house, we don’t call other people names.”
- Check the child’s understanding. “What needs to happen before you can_______?”
- Invite cooperation. “I need your help…can you figure out the most helpful thing you can do right now?”
- Limited choices “Would you rather brush your teeth before or after bath time?”
- Say what you want and mean it. “I want you to put the scotch tape back when you are done using it.”
- Negotiate an agreement. “Let’s see how we can make it work for the both of us.”
- Use non-verbal language. A gentle touch on the shoulder, a look with a smile, a pre-agreed upon secret signal.
- Follow through…”Time to … now.”
- For very young children: connection, then redirection and distraction.
QUICK PHRASES
“I understand _________ and you need to _________.”
“I notice _________ and _________ needs to happen.”
“I love you _________ and the answer is no.”
RECOVERY FROM a MISTAKE (Repair is Critical!):
Adapted from Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline
Re-gather : Make sure both of you have calmed down. Even if it means waiting.
Watch Jane Nelsen’s Flip Your Lid brain development video on our Living Montessori YouTube Channel.
Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
Resolve: (Re-Solve) “How can we work on this to make it better?”
Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
Resolve: (Re-Solve) “How can we work on this to make it better?”
Adapted from Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline
Resentment: “This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.”
Revenge: “They are winning now, but I will get even.”
Rebellion: “I’ll do just the opposite to prove I don’t have to do it their way.”
Retreat: From others: “I won’t get caught next time.” Or from one’s self: “I’m a bad person.”
SOLUTIONS Reasonable, Respectful, Related
RESOURCE LINKS
RESOURCE LINKS
We invite you to visit our Living Montessori Education Community booklist and resource links page for links, books, blogs, social networking, parenting tips and collaborative school projects on the topic of Positive Discipline.
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